I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
