i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
