Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
