party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
