Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
