Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
