Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
