omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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