just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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