I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
