my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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