We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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