Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.