Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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