Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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