My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
