someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
