The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
