And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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