Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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