Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
