you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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