Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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