Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
