He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
