I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
