I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
