I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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