Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
