dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
