I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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