Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
