we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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