i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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