"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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