You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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