He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize