Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
