I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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