Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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