So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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