can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
