My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sponge bath it is.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
