Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
