this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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