Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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