You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
