WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
