she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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