dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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