You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
