He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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