I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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