I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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