Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
