Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
