I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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