Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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