I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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