There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
