i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
please don't ironically join a cult
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