I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
