When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
