life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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