so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We need to rekindle our bromance
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
