I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
